Someone contacted me the other day with a question. Here is part of their message (slightly modified):
It appears in Luke 14:25-27 that Jesus is considering that the women present are not worth considering, or not worth including in teaching. He seems to be only addressing the men in the crowd by saying “wife” and not “husband”. Can you please address this?
Here’s the passage in question:
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:25-27 (NIV) cf. Matthew 10:37.
And here’s what I wrote back:
There is little doubt that the large crowd (v. 25) that was following Jesus included women as well as men.
While women don’t have wives (well they didn’t in the first century), both men and women, generally speaking, have a father and a mother, and brothers and sisters (v. 26). So I don’t think we can say that Jesus is addressing only men simply because he mentions wives but not husbands. I would say that the six kinds of relatives listed—father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—means that, potentially, no one is left out.
For example, even though I don’t have a biological brother or a wife, I have a father, mother, children, and a sister. Other people may not have children or may not have siblings. Still other people may not have parents who are living. But hopefully, we have at least some family members who are listed by Jesus, which makes his teaching both vivid and personal.
There may, however, have been some in the crowd who had none of the near relations that Jesus mentions, but the principle of loving Jesus more than all others, even more than one’s own life, still applies.
One point to notice is that Jesus’ words in Luke 14:25-27 and in Matthew 10:37 assume that it is the norm for mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters to be loved. Notice also that in Matthew 10:34-39—which corresponds with Luke 14:25-27, and includes a prophecy from Micah 7:6— the couples are gender-paired equally. I’m not concerned that Luke did not present Jesus’ teaching with precisely equal gender-pairs.
Sandra Glahn was recently asked an almost identical question to the one I received. I think she is onto something when she suggests Jesus may be quoting from a known saying “created by someone else from a strictly male point of view. His listeners were probably used to hearing, ‘love father and mother, wife and children, brother and sister,’ so Jesus shocks them by saying to hate father and mother, wife and children, brother and sister in comparison to how much they love him. Doubtless that got their attention, just like it still grabs ours all these centuries later.” (Source)
No matter what relatives we may or may not have, Jesus’ main point to the men and to the women in the crowd is this: “Whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple” (v.27). We mustn’t lose sight of this message. This is the challenge for us all.